I believe that every person has two stories. First story. This is this regular everyday story, which we all have – a standard one. I was learning well. I decided that I would be studying economy. I was good with mathematics, but I was also interested in psychology, sociology, pedagogy (I was considering staying at university), negotiations, management and organization. So whenever I could, I have chosen these subjects.
After studies – work. My first position was as a project manager assistant. I was working in a corporation. So yes – it is this classic story. The one we all have. This one or very similar. Studies – work – corporation. You can find more about it in “Author Bio“.
But I think that the more exciting story is a second story. A story, which resonates with other people, or at least can resonate with some – your personal story.
At the end of university, I met someone, and I thought this was the right person for me. And I went to work, which I thought would be suitable for me. I got married. And I’ve landed at some point in a situation where I didn’t want to go home when I was at work. Because I felt terrible in my relationship. And when I was at home, I didn’t want to go to work because I felt awful at work. There were problems and pressure at work, and I had depression because of it. And there were problems and tension in my intimate relationship, and I had depression because of it.
So, I felt that I’m in a trap – no way of escaping.
But there was an idea. In the last years of my university, I’ve met someone good at communication. I was impressed by the way she was communicating. I could persuade or convince most people, but whenever I was talking with her, she was on the top – winning every discussion. When I asked her how she is so good at communication, she said she is doing her NLP trainer certification.
And I admired her skill. I was impressed. But I wasn’t curious enough to check what she was learning exactly. What is this NLP. I believed then that I was a good communicator. I was so very wrong. Unfortunately, my pride blinded me then.
My depression, problems in my relationship, and relationships at work made me look for solutions. I have discovered different communication methods. I have started with books. It made me even more curious. I participated in my first training. And it was this. Something that has opened my eyes. I believed that there was something – a key to everything. And I have finally discovered it.
We people have only problems with other people. You don’t have problems with rain or the sun. They simply are. You cannot be angry with the sun. It is. You cannot get mad at rain. It is. Computers in place of work – they are doing exactly what they are programmed to. You cannot be angry on a computer. If you are mad, it is because a computer is not adequately prepared for your work by you or a person responsible for this.
I understood that there is a whole world of communication methods. A whole new dimension of interaction. And the quality of relationships that are connected with it. I finally knew what I had to do. Learn it. And maybe in future, after years of work, master it.
It’s tough to change on your own. It is tough to get yourself out of the depression.
It was tough because when you’re depressed, you want to hide. You want to run. You want to shut down all these negative emotions and negative thinking. You want to disappear. Some people overuse alcohol. I was playing computer games. They are absorbing your attention to the level that you can forget about your problems.
But running away into addictions will not solve your problems. It will not solve the real reasons of the situation in which you landed. It will not help you dismantle this trap.
So I have created my mantra.
After work, I was coming home, and for two hours every day I was working on myself. Running journals. Doing communication exercises. Reviewing trainings I did. Reading lots of books about communication. And practising, practising, practising, and one more time practising. And whenever I was tired, I was telling myself:
“I am doing all of this to repair my relationship. But if it will not work, then at least I will have skills, and in the future, it will be easier for me to create a new relationship, and it will be a better relationship with someone who deserves the effort I am putting into learning all of this.”
This was my mantra. Repair, or in a worst-case scenario, create better relationships in the future.
Meanwhile, after like, five and half years of working in a corporation, I have decided to quit. I had enough of listening that if I did not do something, they would fire me. Every week. My boss asked me what I would be doing. I told that I wanted to run some trainings for my corporation, but no one was interested. So I have opened on the side my training business, and I already have clients. So now I will go bigger. And for three years, I was just running my trainings and helping clients (coaching) with relationship problems.
I have also improved my relationship, but sadly, I discovered that things were working only when I was putting in effort. I was simply with the wrong person. Understanding this took me many years. I have learned then that it is not only learning how to communicate better and take care of a relationship but also how to choose the right person for the relationship. Separation was painful, but mainly because of separating from my daughter.
When it comes to what I felt about my former relationship – I felt relieved. I felt good with the knowledge that I did a lot to repair my relationship. And I felt good knowing, that now with all this knowledge, I can enter new relationships. With much better-chosen women. And communicate and take care (manage) relationships on an absolutely different level. Live better. Easier. Happier.
I have cleaned in my life. Divorced. Wrote two books about communication and intimate relationships. Closed my training company (yes, at some point had one, but after the financial crisis, there were significantly fewer clients – plus depression also didn’t make things easy in crisis time). I did postgraduate studies. And fulfilled my long life dream – moving to another country. Due to multiple reasons, I have chosen Germany.
My goal was to work in a better company where people will be respecting me more. A place where I will get better money for my efforts so that I can invest in translating and promoting my books. Why? Because I always knew that at the end of the day, I want to help people. And because of my life situation, I’ve learnt how to communicate and make relationships working. And if not, how to smoothly move forward and create a new, better one. What I did in Germany meeting someone new.
When I was writing my first book, I thought that if I will improve the life of at least one person, there is a point for me in writing it. And I got lovely feedback. It is very important because doing your passion is not only rainbows and butterflies. There is also a lot of systematic hard work. At least if you want to achieve some good tangible results like publishing few books. So I am very thankful to all people who believed in me and appreciated my work. And all their kind words in emails, messages and phone calls. It helped me a lot.
So here I am, back with my plan. Soon, I will be publishing a translation of my first book. Then, probably around a year later, I will publish the second one.
This is my personal story. Writing and helping in the field of relationships. Because I believe this is the right thing to do. Helping you avoid all the mistakes I made at the beginning and equipping you with practical communication skills. If I can help someone save his relationship and his life, it will give me a lot of fulfilment.
I am here for you.