• Rejection Coaching order form
  • Training order form
  • Login
DSR Institute - Rejection Coaching - change No into Yes
  • Home
  • DSR Blog
  • DSR Rejection Coaching
  • DSR Publishing
  • DSR Academy
  • DSR Institute
  • Impressum
    • Privacy Policy
DSR Institute International
  • Home
  • DSR Blog
  • DSR Rejection Coaching
  • DSR Publishing
  • DSR Academy
  • DSR Institute
  • Impressum
    • Privacy Policy
DSR Institute International
Home DSR Rejection Coaching

Sleight of Mouth – what is it?

Maciej Czekaj by Maciej Czekaj
2022-06-06
in DSR Rejection Coaching
0
sleight of mouth

Photo by Pickled Stardust on Unsplash

Share on LinkedInShare on TwitterShare on Facebook

Sleight of Mouth is an NLP communication model. It is a system of linguistic patterns that aim to change someone’s opinions and beliefs in a conversation. And is a perfect tool and foundation for DSR Rejection Coaching program. It was created by NLP Trainer Robert Dilts (“Sleight of Mouth: The Magic of Conversational Belief Change”). The second very good book about the topic is “The User’s Guide to Sleight Of Mouth”, by Douglas O’Brien.

It is one of my favourite communication models (and if you stick around long enough, You will understand why). It is the basis for my regular linguistic workout and a whole rejection coaching project.

The Hunt for CEM

CEM is an acronym that stands for Cause => Effect = Meaning

It is also called Normalized Belief Structure.

A simple and quite classic example You will find in this conversation (Example 1):

  • Female: “You don’t love me anymore!”
  • Male: “How have you made such a conclusion? Why do you think so?”
  • Female: “I feel that.”
  • Male: “What has happened, that you feel that?”
  • Female: “For a year you haven’t bought me any flowers!”
  • Male: (paraphrasing) “Ok, so if I understood this correctly. I haven’t bought you any flowers for a year, and it made you feel bad. And you think that I don’t love you anymore… Yes?”
  • Female: “Yes…”
  • Male: (Pattern Counterexample) “Didn’t it ever happen to you that someone who sincerely loves you didn’t buy flowers for you for years? Or that you got flowers from someone who slandered you behind your back the next day?”
  • Female: “Oh… My mom… And the one girl from college. She was terrible, but she came to my birthday with flowers.”
  • Male: (Pattern Alternative Explanation) “You see. Getting flowers is nice, but it is not the only way to express love”.

A classic Cause => Effect = Meaning with two responses.

In real-life situations we meet slightly different scenarios:

Example 2: Man is driving a car. Suddenly stops in front of another stopping car. And screams “Damm!”. We have here Effect. Simple emotional reaction. He made almost an accident. It is Cause. He doesn’t say laud what it means for him. So we don’t know the Meaning. But we can assume it.

We rarely work on the whole equation:

  1. we have to ask questions to fill the gaps (Example 1: first and second sentence from a male),
  2. or we see the emotional reaction by someone (Example 2: scream),
  3. or we know the context and we predict that some people will have emotional reactions and opinions about this (try not to clean at your family home).

But even if we see only some parts of this equation. It is there. And we can work on it.

The regular supply of new examples and retorts you will find in my newsletter.

Sleight of Mouth patterns (DSR Institute version):

  1. Redefine Cause/Evidence
  2. Redefine Effect/Meaning
  3. Alternative Explanation
  4. Alternative Meaning
  5. Apply to Self X
  6. Apply to Self Y
  7. Consequences
  8. Another Outcome
  9. Chunk Down (meta model)
  10. Exaggerate (known as Chunk Up or Blow Up)
  11. Counterexample
  12. Reality Strategy
  13. Intention
  14. Hierarchy of Criteria
  15. Change Frame Size
  16. Model of the World
  17. Meta Frame
  18. Metaphor & Analogy

For examples and descriptions of every pattern, peak here.

To disband one critical misconception – retorts don’t have to be, and even shouldn’t be aggressive or unpolite. Instead, they should be like in this anecdote: “What is a good diplomacy? It happens when someone says “get lost” but in the way, that the other person is thrilled with the idea of an incoming exotic journey”.

The best retorts are smooth, in point, using the values and intentions of an interlocutor. You can change people’s thoughts, emotions and behaviours with just words. And this is why we are doing our linguistic workouts and sparring.

Yes. You just talk, and people suddenly change their opinions and beliefs about different topics. Including saying “yes” when they said a moment ago “no”. And the whole talk is very similar to any other conversation.

What is the difference between a boss who believes that you deserve a salary raise and the one who doesn’t? Or the attractive person who thinks that you are the right candidate to be a partner, or not? It is their beliefs.

Other people’s beliefs influence your life and its quality. Because based on their beliefs, they act. And through their actions, they impact you. So change their opinions and beliefs and make them more helpful to you. Better jobs, more money, more business opportunities, and more interesting potential love partners.

With a little bit of linguistic workout, it can be yours.

And the secret is… Just reading books about communication and persuasion is not enough. You need to work out and follow the right exercise program.

Tags: PersuasionRejection
Previous Post

Linguistic Workout – how to do it?

Next Post

Linguistic Sparring – how to do it?

Maciej Czekaj

Maciej Czekaj

DSR Rejection Coach. Author of 2 books about communication. Learn how to change their No into Yes with our DSR Rejection Coaching free online training program on www.dsrinstitute.com

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Login
Notify of
guest
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

DSR Rejection Newsletter

loader

Email Address*

Name

Publications:

Working Communication (PL)

DSR model description


Komunikacja naprawdę skuteczna. Niezawodny sposób dotarcia do klientów, pracowników i znajomych
Maciej Czekaj

Become Her Obsession (PL)

Better intimacy with better communication


Zostań jej obsesją. Rozkoszne techniki seksualne. Edycja zmieniona i rozszerzona eBook
Maciej Czekaj
LinkedIn Twitter Facebook Instagram Youtube
DSR Institute – Rejection Coaching

DSR Institute Int
- Rejection Coaching -
change No into Yes

Tags

Book DSR Persuasion Rejection Relationship Services Team
DSR Institute Int
Hacketäuertstr. 80
51063 Köln / Cologne
Deutschland / Germany

Sitemap

© 2021-2022 DSR Institute Int, DSR, Dynamic Social Relations, DSR Rejection Coaching - Maciej Czekaj

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • DSR Blog
  • DSR Rejection Coaching
  • DSR Publishing
  • DSR Academy
  • DSR Institute
  • Impressum
    • Privacy Policy

© 2021-2022 DSR Institute Int, DSR, Dynamic Social Relations, DSR Rejection Coaching - Maciej Czekaj

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
wpDiscuz
0
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x
| Reply