Linguistic Sparring – how to do it?

Long story short. A part of DSR Rejection Coaching program you can do at home – is Linguistic Sparring (a group where we exercise together is here). It is how we exercise in tandem or in a group of three. This is when your home training gains some dynamism and unpredictability, which you need to improve your skill. The case is that we tend to follow known paths every day. Same partner, same work, same work colleagues, different clients but with the same problems (based on the same product your company sells). The result – what you hear and what you say on a regular basis is repetitive. It is a box. And now you can exit this box and learn what other boxes contain. Plus, the feedback you will get, will also be different from the feedback you get in your box.

Please, follow these instructions when you exercise in our group.

Written version of 3C exercise – Client, Coach, Consultant:

1. Preparation: Collect beliefs/ opinions you hear. For example, talking with co-workers, clients, boss, partners, parents, kids, friends, or simply something you heard on the radio, podcast, or tv. This step is the same for individual and group training.
2. Client: Publish one or more of these beliefs/ opinions on the wall in our sparring group. If it is possible, write them as Normalized Belief Structure: Cause > Effect = Meaning
3. Coach: Take any one belief/ opinion published there by other participants.
4. Do your Sleight of Mouth workout as usual. But with someone’s else belief/ opinion.
5. Use Grammarly or any other tool which corrects writing mistakes. It will take you 1-2 minutes, and it will be so much easier for everybody to read your retorts.
6. Publish your retorts under the corresponding belief/opinion as a comment.
7. Consultant: Find another belief/ opinion with already posted retorts and give your feedback.
8. Repeat the process as often as you want to improve your skill.

For a dynamic version (face-to-face) 3C exercise looks like this:

1. A Client is a person who has a restricting belief (can be Client’s belief or the one he heard from someone else).
2. A Coach is a person who does the exercise and prepares retorts to the restricting belief.
3. A Consultant is a person who gives feedback to the exercise.
4. After one round comes rotation. The Client becomes a Coach. The Coach becomes a Consultant. And the Consultant becomes a Client.
5. One exercise consists of three rounds. It gives all participants the possibility to be a Client, a Coach and a Consultant.

Is it possible to make the Linguistic Sparring more dynamically? Without writing and face-to-face?

To do face-to-face exercise, you have to fulfil some requirements:

1. You need to have at least basic skill and knowledge about the Sleight of Mouth model.
   • You have to understand the difference between different patterns (you don’t have to learn by heart their names, you don’t need this in your life).
   • You have to use these patterns with “decent” speed. Your sparring partners can wait for 10-15 seconds for a retort, but no one will want to exercise with you if they have to wait 5 minutes for your retort.
2. You have to find someone from a group who has time and want to exercise with you in conference mode (with or without a camera). Please acknowledge that some people have different daily routines and come from different time zones. Because of this, I suggest:
   • Make a post with information on which days and hours you have time. Please use your city and Greenwich/London time in the 24-hours system for this. https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/
     Example: Hi! I am looking for a sparring partner! I am ready to exercise on Tuesdays, for 1 hour, starting at Cologne 20:00/GTC London 19:00. If you are interested, PM me
3. You can do the exercise with one more person. The third person will give feedback. After each round remember about rotation to make a complete exercise.

I honestly prefer writing because the mind better remember this, plus I do my exercises whenever I feel like. And post them in the group or the newsletter as examples for you. Of course, face-to-face sparring is also very useful. And it is beneficial to exercise that way from time to time. Why? It is not about exercising Sleight of Mouth then. It is more about exercising speaking loud to other people with these patterns. You exercise your comfort zone. Not every person feels comfortable saying things like “said a guy with no healthy relationship” straight to the face of your colleague. And yes, sometimes to gain a positive result you have to tease the other person.