DSR Rejection Coaching – what is it?

It doesn’t matter if you are selling, climbing an organizational ladder, seeking renown on social media, or succeeding in intimate relationships. Every time you move forward and challenge the status quo, you are met with resistance – the Rejection. And this is what you can work out with the right communication tools.

DSR Rejection Coaching is a training program designed to handle your rejection problems with a DSR methodology.

When you think about rejection in a general way, some emotions appear. Very often negative. Fear of rejection. Low esteem. Disdain. We react very emotionally. It is not uncommon, that after being rejected by a partner after a year or few years of a relationship, we feel extreme pain. And such extreme thoughts in the head appear – like: “I will never date again” or “I don’t want to be in any relationship till the end of my life”. Rejection at the beginning of your career can shape how you act in case of your work life for years to come. If you were in your first work mentored by a senior colleague or mobbed.

Coaching is, by its very definition, training and guidance provided to achieve a goal. In this case, we talk about lowering the frequency of rejection and increasing in its place acceptance (rejection is a statistical game). Or saying short to “change noes into yeses”.

Ok, but how?

I think this is my favourite question. When I was studying, whenever a lecturer said what is to be done in marketing, business law, etc., this was a question which appeared in my head. Ok, but how?

So, how are You handling the rejection?

There are two main ways to handle rejection:

1. Desensitization (behavioural psychology is about this – and from a practical perspective Jia Jiang has described this in his great book Rejection Proof). It is more about handling it emotionally. Having a lot of experience (repeat) and the right assumptions about it helps (Jia’s story helps with this).
2. Dismantling the problem into smaller pieces and using existing communication methods to work on these smaller pieces is what I have called “DSR Rejection Coaching.” It is more about handling it with the right skills.

I would say that both ways are important and useful. I am specializing in the second solution.

So how can You handle the rejection with the DSR methodology? Slice it into smaller pieces. And then work them out. How? With:

• The model of “4 Phases of Handling the Rejection”
• And “Sleight of Mouth” and its 18 patterns.

In different phases, we focus on different goals, and we use Sleight of Mouth differently. Yet, you “only” need this model and Sleight of Mouth skill.

4 Phases of Handling the Rejection

This is how we can handle it. The problem is, that without proper training, we are very often mishandling the rejection. And we end up with a fear of rejection and other harmful assumptions, opinions and beliefs. And because of them, we are not living the lives we always wanted.

DSR Rejection Coaching consists of the following parts:

• Sleight of Mouth communication model (what is it and patterns description).
• Preparation of your very own “ace up one’s sleeve” using Pareto Rule and Sleight of Mouth through all four phases. It is heavily influenced by the assumption from Frank Farrelly’s Provocative Therapy – “A person’s reaction towards a therapist (or practically any person) is a relatively accurate reflection of his usual social and interpersonal relationship patterns.” People are built from their habits. Including communication habits.
• Exercises that you do (and which I am doing) to handle each phase according to “4 Phases of Handling the Rejection”:
  1. By Linguistic Profiling, you are collecting the usual arguments and doubts that people are telling you when they are rejecting you. It is exactly this moment after rejection when the words of “no-sayer” are in your head. In the first phase, you are practically noting down what people are saying. It is more listening and asking questions exercise. Example: “No? Ok. I understand. I will soon ask someone else about the same thing. If you would be so kind, could you tell me why you said no? I could learn from this and prepare better in the future.” If you are not pushy, most people will be very helpful and talk with you, explaining their point of view and why they said “no”. They don’t have to, but nicely asked, they very often do.
  2. Regular Linguistic Workout (how to do Linguistic Workout) – which is the way I exercise Sleight of Mouth communication patterns. Usually, I do this a few times a week between Monday and Friday. Some of it I was publishing in the DSR Newsletter, and (planned for the future) as video demonstrations.
  3. Linguistic Sparring (how to do Linguistic Sparring) – these are exercises with a partner or a small group. It is in your comfort zone. Your friends, partner, family members or participants of the training who are in your shoes. Usually, I do this once per week, on Saturdays. It works as feedback to my Mo-Fr workout. My exercise partner enters the role of my personal communication coach and consultant.
  4. Linguistic Fencing is when you leave your comfort zone and challenge yourself by acting/asking different people (sometimes random, sometimes from your target group). Having the right mindset and skills built up through phases one to three will help you here. You can have your success here, or by getting “no” you start the process again from phase one. The worst-case situation (“multiple no’s”) will give you the possibility to create your “ace up one’s sleeve” faster.
• If I cannot develop or improve important skills, I look for and participate in dedicated training. In your case, you can always send me an email with your problem. I will prepare a video demonstration or an article and post it on the blog. So yes, you don’t have to immediately sign in for my classes. Use free options first. And invite your friends.

DSR Rejection Coaching is about: asking for and collecting “no’s” (without “no’s” you cannot improve), doing your regular workout on these “no’s”, sparring with friendly people and then challenging yourself by getting out of your comfort zone. The results of such training are life-changing (share your success story to motivate others!). You can only win. Because when you “lose” you know how to improve on this (these 4 phases are in a fact a circle). People who achieved a lot in their lives – they did this not because they got a lot of “yes”. They got a lot of “no’s”. They simply figured it out – that this is a way to improve them and what they offer to the world. And they were eager to lose and learn from this. And this is what DSR Rejection Coaching and the “4 Phases of Rejection” model are giving to you. It is designed the way to bring your life back into your hands. Shape it in a controlled way in the direction you want.

There are two reasons which pushed me to initiate this project:

1. Initially, I learned and practised Sleight of Mouth around 20 years ago in my native language – Polish. As it turned out, I have lived in Germany for more then ten years. At work, I speak German, and at home, I speak English. And till now, I have never adequately exercised and integrated these patterns into my broader English language skill (German probably come also after some time). I felt that I needed it.
2. From a trainer’s experience (I have taught communication already for 19 years), I know that the most challenging part of learning a new communication skill for training participants is not participating in the training but doing regular exercises after it. This training-after-training is essential to develop a new skill to a higher level. I saw it multiple times. People enjoy good training. Happy and hopeful with the vision of their better future thanks to the new knowledge and skills. Emotionally high for a weak or two after training. And then procrastinating with exercising their new skills at home and getting back to old patterns. And when they follow old ways, they achieve only old goals. As a result, they feel a little bit better due to the training and learning something, but it is far from what they really can achieve in their lives with the new skill. So I thought…

What if… Instead of participating in a workshop and not training later at home do this opposite. Start now with a regular linguistic workout at home and then participate in a good training.

Maciej Czekaj

So these are the problems of Yours which I solve:

1. Not knowing how to handle rejection.
2. Not knowing how to use Sleight of Mouth and other communication methods to achieve your goals (more “yes”).
3. Falling motivation to exercise and further develop skills after participating in a workshop.
4. Not having a partner for group exercises.

You know my intentions. Let’s precise the goals of this program:

1. Help You with handling a rejection (or rejections) You already got.
2. Teach You how to handle all future rejections using the DSR “4 Phases of Handling the Rejection” model.
3. To motivate You to start exercising regularly on your own.
4. And by exercising together, to help You improve your new communication skill of Sleight of Mouth even more.

To achieve these goals, you can participate in the following parts:

• Subscribe and read our newsletter DSR Insider. You will be able to witness some of the results of my linguistic workout.
• Come back from time to time to this blog – I will be publishing posts here with hints on how to use different patterns from Sleigh of Mouth. Notifications about new posts will be in the newsletter and on social media. Just like my linguistic workout and newsletter will be regular, my posting will depend more on Your feedback. Just write if you have any doubts, problems, questions, etc. It will influence the specific content in posts.
• Sparring. You need feedback to improve. Therefore, it is crucial to exercise occasionally with other people. Find a “sparring” partner. You can find rules on how to exercise together here.
• The ace up one’s sleeve – create and collect your best responses, retorts and ripostes for most common social situations: the idea description and tips you can find here. Also a very important part of this learning program.
• In the end, when you feel that you want to improve, verify, or introduce your friends to DSR Rejection Coaching in a more organized way, I offer a one-day training in DSR Rejection Coaching and Sleight of Mouth. If there is a direct flight from Cologne to your city, I can come and conduct training for your group. Or we can meet online.

Have fun, learn and get motivated!