Linguistic Sparring – how to do it?

Long story short. A part of DSR Rejection Coaching program you can do at home – is Linguistic Sparring. It is how we exercise in tandem or in a group of three. This is when your home training gains some dynamism and unpredictability, which you need to improve your skill. The case is that we tend to follow known paths every day. Same partner, same work, same work colleagues, different clients but with the same problems (based on the same product your company sells). The result – what you hear and what you say on a regular basis is repetitive. It is a box. And now you can exit this box and learn what other boxes contain. Plus, the feedback you will get, will also be different from the feedback you get in your box.

Written version of 3C exercise – Client, Coach, Consultant:

1. Preparation: Collect beliefs/ opinions you hear. For example, talking with co-workers, clients, boss, partners, parents, kids, friends, or simply something you heard on the radio, podcast, or tv. This step is the same for individual and group training.
2. Client: Present one or more of these beliefs/ opinions in your sparring group. If it is possible, write them as Normalized Belief Structure: Cause > Effect = Meaning
3. Coach: Take any one belief/ opinion presented there by other participants.
4. Do your Sleight of Mouth workout as usual. But with someone else’s belief/ opinion.
5. Use Grammarly or any other tool which corrects writing mistakes. It will take you 1-2 minutes, and it will be so much easier for everybody to read your retorts.
6. Present your retorts under the corresponding belief/opinion.
7. Consultant: Find another belief/ opinion with already presented retorts and give your feedback.
8. Repeat the process as often as you want to improve your skills.

For a dynamic version (face-to-face) 3C exercise looks like this:

1. A Client is a person who has a restricting belief (which can be the Client’s own or the one he heard from someone else).
2. A Coach is a person who does the exercise and prepares retorts to the restricting belief.
3. A Consultant is a person who gives feedback on the exercise.
4. After one round comes rotation. The Client becomes a Coach. The Coach becomes a Consultant. And the Consultant becomes a Client.
5. One exercise consists of three rounds. It allows all participants to be Clients, coaches, and Consultants.

Is it possible to make the Linguistic Sparring more dynamic? Without writing and face-to-face?

To do face-to-face exercise, you have to fulfil some requirements:

1. You need to have at least basic skill and knowledge in the Sleight of Mouth model.
   • You have to understand the difference between different patterns (you don’t have to learn their names by heart; you don’t need this in your life).
   • You have to use these patterns with “decent” speed. Your sparring partners can wait 10-15 seconds for a retort, but no one will want to exercise with you if they have to wait 5 minutes.
2. You must find someone who has time and wants to exercise with you in conference mode (with or without a camera).
3. You can do the exercise with one more person. The third person will give feedback. After each round, remember to rotate to make the exercise complete.

I honestly prefer writing because the mind better remember this, plus I do my exercises whenever I feel like to. And present them in my group or the newsletter as examples for you. Of course, face-to-face sparring is also very useful. And it is beneficial to exercise that way from time to time. Why? It is not about exercising Sleight of Mouth. It is more about exercising how to speak loud to other people with these patterns. You exercise your comfort zone. Not every person feels comfortable saying things like “said a guy with no healthy relationship” straight to the face of your colleague. And yes, sometimes to gain a positive result you have to tease the other person.